Pornhub comments OP

This is some of the funniest shit I've ever seen.

The Past Is Like the Slenderman

You look at it, you die.

A Romantic Thing

Beyond the knowledge of crime and virtue, there is a field. I am waiting for you there.

Gothic soundtrack Is Imba

Kai Rosenkratz is a fucking genius of transitions. Whether Elex is a good game or a bad one, you can bet it's gonna have some stellar fucking music.

Incognito mode

Anyone with the resources as big as FBI or any other spy network on this planet, or even any at least a bit capable hacker can track your ass everywhere using any electronic device you use as well.

Incognito mode is only good to differ your normal tabs from your porn tabs and to stop your history from getting clogged with bullshit.

Any kind of privacy we have in our world is an illusion.

Flames Around

Who needs burns, when I'm already on fayah?!

Women

Never thought I'd say this, but a man truly has to beware of them. Their most potent weapon is the fucking sheep's clothing. You can never know who truly is good and who's a vicious beast.

Men are easier. They either have a backbone or not. If they're honest, no matter if pleasant or unpleasant, they're worthy of respect. If they're spineless, it's easy to spot.

But women... ahh, they all look innocent. But are any of them, really?

Actually... quite frankly... is any of us innocent?

Shmoop

I has't hath found this comical website that allows thee to mess around with the English language for all eternity. 

Climbing The Ranks

The higher the ape climbs, the more he shows his arse.

Ego

It's a bigass piece of shit that's older than sin and twice as cunning.

How do you eat an entire buffalo?

Piece by piece, idiot.

Wordplay

She's more poisonous than yew.

Sum Fuk?

This Is Why I Play Videogames

Lüttle Kütty!

A dog that weighs less than 50 pounds is a cat and cats are pointless.

Gotta Take a Break

If you don't ever stop, you will be stopped. Simple as that. Happens to the best of us.

Composing Just Roxxx!

Seriously, pick up that FL Studio and start composing if your ears are worth something. It's so much fun!

Far Cry 5

Looks fucking amazing so far!

The Ditcher 3

This really is the best game out there.

Spanish Inquisition Be Like

Set a fire for someone and you'll make them warm for one day.
Set them on fire, and they will be warm for the rest of their life.

Little Johnny Funny

Xariel: *Blinds him with a lamp for a second.*
Johnny: Dude, you're Gandalf!

Attitude Is Important!

Sometimes, you just gotta look at things this way.

Memory

Sometimes it doesn't allow you to remember the thing you absolutely need and WANT to remember.

Other times it says "FUCK YOU!" and burns a picture into your soul so deep you cannot unremember it. You know, that kind of shit you can't unsee or unhear. Even though you WANT to so much.

Memory can be a mean bitch.

Breakthrough

Sometimes you need to do something, anything, to change the way things are. Sometimes it's a rash decision and you end up in the unknown.

But the unknown is always better than the comfortably well known old pains.

Sometimes you just need to gtfo.

Change

It is interesting how things can change. How quickly and how unexpectedly.

Life is full of change, in fact, I am not sure if it even has anything else.

It can be a pleasant change or an unpleasant.

But a change that's unpleasant doesn't necessarily have to mean that it's bad.

I believe it to be so.

Sick.

All too much for me. The body decided it had had enough of my void so now it forced me to stay home and rest more.

Not an entirely unwelcome circumstance, that's for sure.

Women.

What kind of fuckery is this?!

Be Free of All Chains!

Being free is awesome. Being free is being happy and light.  Cut yourself from things that hurt and exhaust you. Don't be afraid of walking away. Walking away is sometimes the only answer to a problem. Leaving it be.

I feel emptiness and aloneness, but it is not of the vile strain. It's a joy to let go and just enjoy things as they come, telling them thank you and goodbye when their time has passed.

Life is full of such things. Life is a Beautiful Eternity of ever passing things. Love them, nurture them, give into them and when the time comes, fare them their well and go on.

As I (and countless people before me) have once said: Do not cling to anything. Clinging is a slow painful willing suicide.

I live and love and I don't make the time to regret nor hate. I am but a human. I have made mistakes and wrongdoings and I have learned my lesson. I learn it every day.

Every day is a new challenge. New ride. The best way to enjoy it is to just sit back and let it flow, baby.

And try not to get shot up to the kingdom fuck when things go sideways.

The Matrix

For the first time ever, I feel like it's a sad thing Cipher did not succeed at fucking them all up.

In the state I'm currently at, that would make me feel like there is at least some justice left.
Now I know what traitors feel like.

What is there to lose? There is nothing to be had in the first place.

Alcohol Is Poison...

...and there are things inside me I need to kill.

Trust Them Not!

If You're a Fan of Star Wars

Watch this video. I made it and I'm proud of it. Give it love <3

Oxygen Is Like the Opposite Gender

It is essential for surviving, but it causes cell aging and therefore it slowly kills us.

Writing a Blog

It's addictive AF. How the views count up... it's the little shots of dopamine getting produced up in my brain.

It's the same as getting a message on facebook or a like on instagram.

But I have no friends and I'm ugly, so it's the writing for me.

Goddamn Peoplez

Some of them can't say good morning without lying twice!

A Translator's Guide

If I was to guess from the context... I wouldn't guess.

Some Wise Shit

If you're too solid, you'll snap. If you're too liquid, you'll leak to the ground and dissolve.

Look for that equilibrium. There's no other way.

I don't know what I don't know

Realizing this makes me feel ecstatically unimportant.

We can't know shit.

Which is just maddeningly unhelpful to know.

Getting Prepared For Examz

Read about 120 pages three times over in less than two days? Challenge accepted. Started an hour ago and am already at page... what? 30? 40? Damn... this is gonna be a long nigh.

Weedcut

Troll Setup

This is how you fuck em up. Strength in both numbers... and strength.

Edit: we completely lost that game

WTF?

The title: Will you do the next step?

The warning: The Minstry of Health warns: Smoking causes cancer.

Did you idiots just show me two hot lesbians making out and then talk about smoking and cancer?

Shtoopid AF, I say.

Punny shit

I was gonna make a salt joke, but Na.

Summer Is Here!

It's so hot that even flies walk.

StarWank

Next time I see the stars, I am doing this.

Procrastinating?

Deal with it.

I'm fucking SATAN-ASSASSIN!

On the Scale from 1 - 10

How addicted are you to the Harry Potter series?

Correct answer: Hmm, I guess about nine and three quarters.

What you can say about a videogame, but not your girlfriend

I've played better.
Multiplayer is better.
Too many bugs, they need to release a patch.
Let me invite a friend.
Wait a second, I need to take a shit.
It takes so long for a match to start!
Rushing rocks.
(after sex) Achievement unlocked!
I'm bored. Gonna try something else.
My gun has upgraded.
Cheating makes it easier.

Learning Russian at Duolingo.com

Try it! It's really simple to learn a language there. I'm freshly addicted AF.

Dungeons & Dragons

It's harder to get all the players together for one meeting where there would be ALL of them, than dealing with all of their crazy-ass ideas at once.

Men VS Women

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Mommy Issues

Solve those first! Otherwise, you'll never be happy anyway.

World of ProCrast

When you should be doing something productive, but you spend the night playing video games and getting high.

Erotic Games Suck

Finding an erotic game that doesn't disgust me and doesn't instantly turn me the hell off, is a fucking miracle.

Freedom of Choice

Just another mindfuck. If I am free to choose everything, why do I choose what I choose? And is the reason for that really in accord with free will? With free choice? How free am I, when everything I choose I don't even realize, let alone why or how.

What the hell?!!!

A Mindfuck to Think About

There is a theory which states that if anyone ever discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Work Complete!

Another night well spent. Money made, beer drank, conversations had.

A great night and morning! And now, for the fun part: Off to bead.

Peace.

I Hate Washing My Hands!!

It makes my fingertips so smooth I can't fucking roll me that cigarette! Happens all the goddamn time!

REBORN!

I just slept for 6 hours straight. OMG it feels so great to be back among the living after that insomnia shit!

Kids. Don't smoke marijuana after midnight if you're getting up early. Especially not if you're generally hyperactive. It'll fuck up your life.

Trust me. I've been there just now. And sleep is much more worth than any kind of drug state. Seriously.

A Savage, SAVAGE meme.

that moment...

...when you wanna scream so much in your post, that you tap caps lock and still hold the shift.

you know what happens then? this post.

Insomnic AF

3 days in a row, just lied in the bed for 6 hours, not able to fall asleep. Only for the final half an hour before having to get up.

Insomnia sucks some huge balls.

Zomg, this is just AWESOME :D

A Creepy-ass Smile For You!

You just chopped up and cooked various pieces of nature and made a smiley out of them. Then you slapped "For The Nature" sign all over it. That is fucking creepy.

Great job, greenpiss!

My Political Opinion

I am so left, I'm practically right.

Fear Holds Us Back

Our status, our job, our relationship, our pride and image. We fear we'll lose it all. And that makes us lose so much more.

A Burst of Inspiration: Little Poem

Rocking through the stars...
flying up in the high seas of stars...
Living and flourishing among the little clusters of stars...
Stars of greatness, of humility, of understanding and divinity!
The divinity of being.
What is being?
Being just is!
It's ungrippable
It's ungraspable
It's untangible
It's effortless
It's far and wide
It's here, and it's large!
It's tiny and cute.
It's rough and loud!
It's Complete. That's what it is.

Come out and play!
Don't shy away!
We can have fun and bask in the sun!
We can play beach ball,
we can rock the boat,
we can fly in the skies,
we can rock the stars...
We can live and flourish among the little clusters of stars...
Stars of greatness, of humility, of understanding and divinity!

Daniel "The Problem Solver"

Call me that from now on, baby! Just fixed mah friend's entire master's thesis formatting problem.

Had no idea what I'm doing!

(By the way, I fucking hate Word and the formatting shit.)

...but still fixed it like a boooss!

Totalleh Tall. Up High!

Waving my cigarette to the rhythym like a conductor, listening to this!!

Welcome to the Hiiiigh Seas!

Getting high after midnight with the soundtrack from The Tales From the Borderlands, babeh! Like a boss!

Work Complete

Yay! Got the job done, met some fine people and got drunk with them after work.

That's what I call a successful work evening!

Off To Work...

Let's hope it goes better than the last time.

Bottle of water: check.
Bottle of cola: check.
Stomach full: almost kinda semi-check.
Frozen half to death after sitting outside, not realizing it's getting so fkin cold: check.

Wish me luck!

A Message I Keep Getting

"Greetings! I hate your ass!" - Sincerely, your internet connection

Burning the Midnight Oil

Just reloading this shitty game over and over.

Cause it keeps fucking me in the ass...

...with a spiked dildo.

A Regular Work Shift

You get ready.
You buy that kebab, so you don't slobber over your customer's meals when you're serving them.
You buy a pack of cigarettes, because you were incapable of rolling your own (via last post).
You buy a big fucking cola to keep you company in the night. You wouldn't believe how easy it is to run low on sugar in your bloodstream when working as a waiter.

And then... when you finish the cigarette, take a sip of that oversugared pitch black shit and when you finally at long last arrive at your work...

...they send you home. Not enough customers tonight.

Now that, children, is Universal Irony at it's best.

I Hate Taking a Shower!

Every time I take a shower, my fingertips get so smooth I can't even roll meself a cigarette for fuck's sake!

This is why I play videogames.

Teasing Sucks

In my short life I have realized this. Teasing is annoying - verbal, sexual, or otherwise. It just arouses you to the sky and then denies release.

Everyone knows how to build up tension, but people know shit about release. Why can't anyone realize that when you build something up, it is fucking satisfying for all parties involved to wrap up. 

Freaking Christ on a stick, EVERYONE is teasing, hyping, building up to something that only rarely has a satisfying conclusion. In the end, I (as much as You!) end up frustrated and annoyed most of the time, left with emptiness inside.

Wanna piss someone off? Promise and don't deliver.
Wanna be da wo/man of da fukin' dreamz? DELIVER.

Whether you're one or the other, fuck you / bless you respectively.